How To Turn A Woman On, Satisfy Her In A Big Way, And Get Her To Do The Things You’ve Always Wanted
To set the stage, I first want to talk about “experience.”
Video: sex secrets every man should know
- Video: sex secrets every man should know
- Video: 5 sex secrets women want you to know
- Sex Secrets Infographic: 9 Best Ever Sex Positions
- Sex: Women’s Sexual Health, Age Doesn’t Matter
- 4 Easy Ways to Spice Up Things in the Bedroom
As humans, we use our five primary senses to take in information about the world. This is called “Perception.” Most of this happens on an UNCONSCIOUS level.
We then take what we get from our senses and we process this information. We compare it to what we’ve experienced before, we classify it, we imagine it in different ways, and we have UNCONSCIOUS reactions to it.
Next, we make decisions about what we’re going to do with what we just experienced. Again, these are mostly UNCONSCIOUS.
Finally, we take action on what we decided to do. You guessed it… again, mostly unconsciously.
This description is oversimplified, but I think it’s a useful model to work with here.
Basically, I believe that men and women go through these four stages a little differently. And when it comes to sex, I believe that they go through them much differently.
I mention this because most people deal with other people the way that they want to be dealt with. They communicate in ways that make sense to themselves. They usually assume that they know what’s best for others without checking first.
This only makes sense. Most people don’t walk around saying to themselves “Hmmm, I wonder if Sarah tastes the same thing as I do when she drinks coffee?” and “I wonder if water tastes exactly the same to her… or if it’s just slightly different…”
Most people have asked these questions once or twice in life, but they usually stop asking once they decide that most people have the same experiences as they do when they drink coffee, etc.
Here’s the deal: When it comes to most ‘gross’ experiences (meaning common level) like getting hit with a baseball, tasting salt, or seeing a color, we as humans usually have pretty similar experiences.
But when it comes to ‘subtle’ experiences (meaning less extreme, and in this context, also more complex) people, and especially different genders, have vastly different experiences.
For instance, if you show a man and a woman a picture of a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, the man will usually notice all of the women, while the woman will notice the clothing, including the colors and the details.
Finally, the order or sequence of experiences and thoughts have a major role in the responses that men and women demonstrate.
In the area of sex, men are usually pretty simple: See hot woman, get turned on and want sex. All in about 1-3 seconds. A man can be outside working on his car and see a beautiful woman out of the corner of his eye, and instantly be in the mood.
Video: 5 sex secrets women want you to know
On the other hand, women are a bit more complex. Even if a woman sees a handsome man, she will RARELY get sexually turned on. The first thing that women experience when they SEE an attractive man is usually more of a curiosity or intrigue… a wanting to know more.
If a man smiles at a woman, the woman usually interprets the smile as “Hi, you look nice and friendly.”
If a woman smiles at a man, the man usually interprets the smile as “I’m interested in sex.”
This one difference causes many first meetings to go the wrong way.
Here’s the deal: In general, it takes women longer to get in ‘The Mood’ for sex, and it happens differently than it does for men.
As I talk about sex and how to do it better, you need to keep this in mind. Some of the things I’m going to tell you might sound like just ‘interesting’ ideas, or unusual things to do.
While they may be interesting and unusual, they are all specifically to appeal to the female mind and mating preferences. 50,000 years ago women had to figure out some way to determine if a man was going to be a good provider and a loyal mate.
I believe that the concept of ‘Romance’ was that way.
If a man was really interested, he would go through some demonstrations of his devotion… and be willing to wait for sex.
I know, I know. We all want a woman that gets turned on by just seeing your unshaven face and dirty hair in the morning. But these are the cards we were dealt, and we might as well learn how to play them in this lifetime.
So I just mentioned a bunch of ideas. Let’s tie them together.
As far as the senses go: In general, women get turned on by a few major categories of things:
Voice tone, sensual (not sexual) language, and vivid descriptions. Women love to hear a sexy voice describing ideas, feelings, and scenarios in painful detail.
A wide range of different touching, kissing, stroking, caressing, and cuddling.
Smells and smelling. Women love great cologne. And women love to be smelled.
Tastes. Women love to be fed all kinds of wonderful things like Strawberries, chocolate, and champagne.
Did you notice anything missing from the list?
I left out SIGHT on my list. Why?
Well, women don’t get turned on as much by sight as they do by other senses. Men are usually more turned on by visuals than by the other four senses combined.
Women are turned on more by the others.
It’s true that what you look like can PREVENT you from being attractive due to not taking care of yourself, not being her ‘type’ or whatever.
But I believe (and have proven to myself over and over) that if you pave the way correctly, you can overcome looks and get a woman VERY sexually stimulated by using her other senses and her imagination.
Next I talked about how women notice details. Women notice subtle things. If you rub a woman’s hand, she’ll feel warm and friendly toward you.
If you very very gently and slowly run the tips of your fingers over her hand, she will begin to get aroused (other conditions have to be right, of course).
If you kiss a woman on the lips and stick your tongue down her throat, she’ll probably be disgusted. But if you kiss her gently… then slowly pull away and look into her eyes… then kiss her again slowly and gently… you’ll start a fire inside of her that will build (if you do everything else correctly as well).
I also mentioned romance. To me, romance is simply demonstrating to a woman that this whole encounter and ‘relationship’ with her is meaningful.
It’s a way of saying “I want to create a great experience for you” to her. If you play up the romance too much, you’ll push a button inside of a woman called “He loves me and wants to marry me.” So be careful.
I recommend sticking to the kinds of romance that involve the senses, and not the kind that involve money, gifts, and love letters. There’s nothing wrong with these… it’s just that they lead to the M word. If you want a wife, great. If not, use care and stick to the senses.
I believe that anticipation, excitement, and tension are some of the biggest turn-ons that a woman can feel. Women LOVE to wonder what’s coming next. They LOVE to be surprised. They LOVE to be waiting on the edge of their seats.
Here are a few ways to do it:
- Say “I have a surprise for you.” Then say “But I’m not going to give it to you yet… it’s for later.” The surprise can be anything from a piece of chocolate to some melon-scented massage oil that you bought to rub her shoulders. It doesn’t matter. The key is to pique her curiosity and make her want to know what it is.
- Put a blindfold on her. Women LOVE to be blindfolded! Don’t ask, just do it. Go grab a scarf out of your closet (silk if you have it) and put it on her. Remember, women are turned on more by their other senses anyway. Turning their vision off heightens their other senses and makes them even more responsive.
- When you’re doing something that’s turning her on, STOP. This seems counter-intuitive, but it’s the promise land. Guys like to find what feels good and KEEP DOING IT BABY. Women like to have what feels good taken away… so they can feel some more anticipation!
Do you get it? Come up with your own ways to build anticipation. Tell her a story about someone that felt anticipation. Tell her you’re feeling it. Whatever. Just make her anticipate what’s coming next.
Stimulating Her Senses
So how do you best stimulate these other four senses in a way that will turn her on? Now that’s a GREAT question.
- Touch her very very gently and slowly. Use the very tips of your fingers. Run them over her arms, neck, shoulders, lips, hands, legs, feet… everywhere. If you avoid her breasts, crotch, and ass, you’ll even get her more turned on for later (Remember anticipation? It will drive her crazy… “When is he going to touch my tits?”).
- Kiss her sensually. Let the first kiss be very light… almost a brush. Then wait (anticipation). Kiss her 100 times on the neck and shoulders. Suck on her lips gently. Lick her just a tad on the neck, shoulders, and lips. Think eating an ice-cream cone, then tone it back a bit. Like you’re tasting her a little each time.
- Feed her little bits of things that are sexy. Try strawberries, chocolate, champagne. Also, go out and get yourself some of that ‘Kama Sutra Oil’ at the adult store. The flavored kind not only tastes good, it HEATS UP if you put it on and breathe on it. Nice.
- Smell her. Smell her neck and shoulders for about 5-10 minutes STRAIGHT. No kissing. No licking. Just smelling for 5-10 minutes. Gently run your nose and lips over her shoulders and neck smelling her. Say “Mmmmm… you smell good. I’m just going to smell you for awhile.” You’re going to love how she reacts to this.
- Talk sexy to her. Men like to hear “I want it harder big boy”… women like to hear “Your lips feel so soft and sexy. I love the way your lower lip feels when I kiss it… And I could just kiss you for hours… it feels so nice.” Women love to hear about the DETAILS, remember?
- Tell her stories, and describe what you’re going to do to her. If she’s getting turned on, take a few minutes to whisper in her ear exactly what you’re going to do to her. “You know what I’m going to do next? First, I’m going to slowly and gently kiss your shoulders… and then work my way up to your neck… smelling your sexy perfume… mmm… you smell soooo good… then, I’m going to kiss you deeply…” Get it? Also tell her what feels good in the same detailed way. Use a soft, slow, deep tone of voice.
Sex Secrets Infographic: 9 Best Ever Sex Positions
Sex: Women’s Sexual Health, Age Doesn’t Matter
Most women fear that as they age and the hormone levels drop, so too will their enjoyment of, and oftentimes desire for sex.
Fortunately, while diminishing hormones and sex may happen in the same breath, the latest research indicates that sexual desire has less to do with these changes than it does with lifestyle and other women’s sexual health factors, at least some of which are under a woman’s direct control.
According to reports from a group of distinguished European sex experts in the first ever supplement to The Menopause, the journal of the North American Menopause Society, the findings have helped healthcare professionals discard the notion that sexual difficulties occurring close to menopause are either biologic or physiologic.
The new research was part of a series of studies conducted on female sexual dysfunction by the department of clinical psychiatry and psychotherapy at Hanover Medical School in Hanover, Germany. As part of the overall project, 102 women aged 20 to “45 plus” answered 165 questions designed to flush out determinants of female sexual satisfaction.
Specifically, researchers hoped to determine satisfaction with sex life in general, sexual satisfaction and orgasm during intercourse, petting, masturbation, attitudes towards sexuality, quality of partnership, and women’s sexual health myths.
Based on the study, there appeared to be no differences with respect to frequency of sexual intercourse or the desire for sexual activity not involving intercourse among the differing age groups. Age did not make a difference in regard to frequency of orgasm or in sexual satisfaction ratings with their partners. For example, 29% of women up to age 45 reported having orgasms “very often,” compared with 26% of women over age 45.
Even more dramatic was that while 41% of women over age 45 reported having orgasms “often,” only 29% of younger women reported having orgasm “often.”
Among the few differences in the groups: Women over 45 reported having fewer orgasms during non-intercourse sexual activity or during masturbation. Both groups of women reported a dual dimension necessary for successful lovemaking that included having both feelings of emotional closeness to their partner and satisfactory physical experiences.
After comparing all the answers from both older and younger women, as well as from women who reported sexual problems and those who did not, researchers concluded that the single most influential factor with regard to women’s sexual health satisfaction via intercourse was the quality of the partnership, in particular the quality of mutual respect, which then becomes of greater importance as a woman ages.
After comparing these study results to earlier and ongoing findings, the researchers concluded that the basis of any sexual problems that did occur at midlife could not be drawn from menopause status or age alone. Instead, life stressors, contextual factors, past sexuality, and mental health problems are more significant predictors of midlife on women’s sexual health interest than menopause status itself.
This study was just one of several research papers presented in the journal on the subject of women’s sexual health dysfunction. Each one striving to shed much needed light on a subject that some believe has been hidden in the shadows too long.
4 Easy Ways to Spice Up Things in the Bedroom
Are you in a relationship that seems as if it is stalled in the bedroom? If so, your first thought may be to terminate the relationship. But, what if your relationship is long-term? What if you are married? What if you really do love your partner? What steps should you take then?
When it comes to being unhappy in the bedroom, it is important to know that ending a marriage or a relationship should only be used as a last approach. Instead, you will want to take steps to spice things up. Doing so may improve more than just your intimacy, but it may do wonders for your relationship in general.
As nice as it is to hear that you can and should spice things up and in the bedroom, you may be unsure as to how you should proceed. If that is the case, please continue reading on. Below, four easy ways that you can spice things up in the bedroom, are covered.
1 – Engage in Foreplay
When you do have sex, what happens? Do you and your partner get right down to business? If you do, that may be a huge problem. Unfortunately, many couples do not realize that intimacy is more than just about having sex. It is also about having a happy and healthy relationship. If you rely on sex to make your relationship succeed, there is a very good chance that it will actually fail.
If you and your partner don’t already engage in foreplay, start doing so. Also, remember that foreplay doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. Call your lover, send a text message, or a handwritten note expressing your desires to get intimate with them later on.
2 – Be Spontaneous
When you want to have sex, what do you do? If you actually take the time to ask your partner if they want to be intimate with you, you may be doing more harm than good. Asking first can make being intimate seem more like a chore than something that should bring you pleasure. The next time that you want to move to the bedroom, don’t ask first. Just lead your partner there. In fact, who needs a bedroom?
Know that being spontaneous is about more than not talking about sex first. Ways that you can be spontaneous with your partner is to have sex at a different time, date, or place.
3 – Talk About Your Fantasies
One of the biggest reasons why couples have problems with sex is because one person isn’t having their desires fulfilled. If that is the case with you? Does your partner know what you like or what you want to get out of being intimate? If not, it is time for you to let them know.
Be sure to talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies and desires. What would you like to try in the bedroom? In addition to expressing your wants, needs, and darkest fantasies, be sure to let your partner do the same. Remember that both of you should walk away from an intimate encounter pleased.
4 – Experiment in the Bedroom
Another one of the easy ways that you can spice up things in the bedroom is by experimenting. When doing so, you may be pleased with all of your options. For starters, you can try a new sex position. This may not only lead to extra pleasure, but fun and excitement. Sex toys, romantic or pornographic videos, and role playing are other good ideas for experimenting in the bedroom.
Remember that experimenting in the bedroom is a good way to spice up your intimacy, but be sure to use your best judgment. It may be a wise decision to first discuss making changes with your partner, as you will not want to make him or her feel uncomfortable.
So there you have it! You know have a few ideas on how you can go about spicing up things in the bedroom. So what are you waiting for? Get started today.